Sign Me Up
by Mystikat
Summary: Puck pretends to be gay. Rachel decides that she's now solely in charge of balancing their checkbook. Future-fic, Rachel/Puck, OC.


**Sign Me Up**

She knows he's out at the bar with his friends, decompressing and having a beer before he comes home to her, but she happens to be in the neighborhood around the time he starts back to the apartment, so she decides to swing by and walk with him.

It's nice, walking with him. Especially when it's a walk to their home.

Rachel breezes into the sports bar (named _Balls_, which is part of the reason Noah began patronizing it to begin with) and looks for her boyfriend.

Who has a man stuck fast to his side, hand resting on his shoulder. It's not surprising to see a man hit on her boyfriend, it happens. Men and women just happen to be attracted to both the pair of "good looking Jews". What's unusual is that Noah is allowing the man "all up in his business". She's even more confused when she realizes that she _knows_ the man clinging to Noah; a man who may be gay, but isn't one to patron up in Noah's business.

It's Roger who spots her first. "Rachel!" He releases Noah and comes over to wrap her in a bear hug. "My favorite girl; when are you going to leave this oaf for me?" He gestures to Noah who looks sheepish, hands shoved into his pockets.

She kisses Roger on the cheek, then the lips, grinning at his flirtation. "From the looks of it, you're trying to steal my 'oaf'." She looks over at Noah and raises her eyebrow.

"For fifty bucks a week, the man isn't hard to love." Roger winks at her. "Let me know when you're interested, I'll give you my Rachel Berry discount."

"Are you done flirting with my girl yet?" Noah's hand is on her elbow, ignoring her confused expression to glare at Roger instead. "We gotta get home sometime tonight."

"You're being rude, Noah."

Roger laughs, "He's being Puck." He punches the other man in the arm, kisses her once again, and makes his way back to his seat.

She makes it until they're outside before she has to ask. "What are you doing paying our gay friend Roger to pretend he's in love with you? I don't remember that being part of our budget."

Noah hunches his shoulders a little, muttering something under his breath.

She doesn't relent. "Well?"

"I just didn't wanna another 'lipstick' incident, okay?"

(She remembers the night Noah came home from _Balls_, a red stain on his shirt over his collarbone. They'd had a fight-not because she thought he'd been cheating (Noah isn't the type to lie about such things, if he didn't want to be with only her; he'd tell her), but because at some point you just get tired of people trying to take your man. She'd been upset that he let a girl get close enough to him with her lips, he'd asked what he supposed to do about the aggressive flirting-he wasn't about to shove them, and some just didn't take a hint. When she shrieked that he should tell them he had a girl, he'd looked at her and told her that made it worst.

She remembers dropping the entire argument and going to bed with hopes of forgetting about the whole thing.)

Rachel reaches for his hand, smiling when he glances at their joined hands before looking at her face. "You're the best boyfriend Roger and I could ask for, Noah."

He grimaces. "Baby, the man's a dick. I wouldn't want him near mine even if he didn't have his."

"Exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?"

He squeezes her hand. "Just enough to put up with him."

So, wasted then.

"Noah..."

"Hm?"

"Are you really giving the man fifty a week?"

"...no?"

She sighs. "Use your Rachel Berry discount next time; you have a life membership after all."

"Damn straight, baby." He replies, smug, and kisses her.

**Author's Note:** Written for the LJ community "puckrachel", prompted by "What are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he's in love with you?"

Hannah, you ask, why didn't you substitute Kurt's name in for Roger? Because I'm irritated at Kurt right now. I'll let him have his time to speak when I switch to being miffed at Puck instead. Also because I never get the chance to design OCs.


End file.
